Archive for February, 2009

The Language of the Idea

February 27, 2009

When you’re trying to sell your ideas, it really comes down to the wordsmithing, doesn’t it?   We spend so much time developing the work that we forget about the most important work, the presentation!    Gotta get the client to see what we see, damn it.   In Hooterville, we don’t have a lot of time to prepare this kind of work but we realize its importance just the same.  When it comes to the new Pepsi Logo, maybe Peter Arnell had TOO MUCH time on his hands.

Thanks to Musings from an Opinionated Sod, I just got a look at the Breathtaking Presentation Peter Arnell presented to Pepsi.  Mr. Arnell has been dubbed a “Fucktard” George Parker, who is right on (What exactly IS a Fucktard?).   This Arnell guy is one great salesman to have gotten Pepsi to believe all this gobble.  I realize MUCH has been written about this already, but if WE made a  presentation like this to the common folk in Hooterville, we’d be laughed out of the room.   

We’ve been passing this around, really trying to understand it…I mean, my God, it’s PEPSI!  One of our designers said: ” What a horrific collection of utter bullshit.  And in the blueprint section they leave out the Fibonacci sequence, the natural phenomenon of ALL inclusive  design and only invented by  GOD (discovered by Fibonacci), and replace it with more bullshit. That’s inexcusable, but probably pandering to the Godless masses of  humanity who gorge themselves on this high fructose corn syrup laden  product.That’s why I drink Coke”          

I Love This Guy!

Trying to get a client to understand WHY you want  to do something is as important as the creative you developed.   It’s like John Madden said:  The most important member of a football team is the owner.   So, in turn, the most important player of our creative team is unfortunately the client, who does indeed have the right to make the wrong decision.

You know, just because you work in Hooterville doesn’t mean you’re a dumb-ass.

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Peter’s body language suggests pouting…

Nobody likes my new logo!!

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Stuff White People Like

February 25, 2009

The web is sooo big, I stay up way too late surfing, reading, learning, and laughing.  So I find stuff white people like.   I  know it doesn’t have anything to do with advertising (at least I don’t think it does) but I loved it and am adding it to my blogroll.  I’m also thinking what a fabulous Christmas gift it will make for my white male, conservative clients who are in abundance here in Hooterville.   I can see the expression on their faces now.  Dude.  Yes.  You need to read this book….because you need to be enlightened.  (That’s chick-speak for “You’re an asshole.”)

Stuff White People Like   Buy it for your white clients!

Small Town Crap

February 25, 2009

So much to love about a small town.  A church on every corner,  a tavern across the street.  Lots of auto parts stores.   We’re all hoping Olive Garden will come to its senses and open up here in Hooterville so we can enjoy the Shrimp Scampi special during Lent.   But when it comes to advertising, there is so much to endure:

Bankers and insurance people who INSIST their photos be in their print ads.  (We don’t allow it.)

Business owners who INSIST on putting their grandchildren in their TV ads.  (We don’t allow that either.)

The  contingent of overweight media sales girls who try to make friends by selling you Arbonne instead of the numbers. (Guess that’s everywhere.)

Really bad ads produced by the local cable company. (Guess that is, too.)

Clients who hire you to do a job, then tell you how to do it.  (We absolutely don’t allow that….”If YOU know how to do this, then what did you hire us for?”   Yeah, I say it…right to their face.)

Having never worked for a BDA (or in any large market), I can’t compare my experience.  Clients are frustrating everywhere, I suppose. But today, between a new client pitch, helping the just-hired office girl, wolfing down a tuna salad sandwich between phone calls, writing a little copy, and crunching some budget numbers with an old client, this even OLDER client calls me to be sure he gets an ad inside NCIS tonight, because he loves that show.   You bet, Boss.  

images-1DAMN.  I LOVE this town.

The Obits

February 22, 2009

I just read Garrison Keillors column on Obituaries. I admit it…I read them, trying to cull bits of information about dead people I have never met.  I imagine what they might have been like, who their families are and what they might be saying about their dearly departed.

Mr. Keillor says the Brits have more “frank” obits than in America.  It must be true.  I’ve never read an obituary yet that that didn’t say stuff like:  “Joe Schmo went to have coffee with his Heavenly Father.  Joe was a devoted dad, loved fishing and will be sorely missed by all.”    None of them ever say Joe was schmuk who wore his wife’s underware and hoarded copies of Hustler.

Keillor says our own obit is bound to be a big disappointment.  Not so fast, Garrison!  I think we should write our own obituary, now,  while we (most of us) are lucid and honest enough to make sure our story gets told as we would want it.  Especially ad people.    It would be our greatest writing assignment, our most important project.   Here’s what I might write about me.

Born a girl when her father wanted a son, adchick grew up to be an over-achiever.  She never knew a stranger, and talked to anyone about anything at any time.  Even as a toddler, she used her humor as a shield to deflect those who were mean, arrogant, or jealous.  Adchick was full of energy and enthusiasm with a work ethic that stayed quite impressive till her last breath.  She banged her way through life with the finesse of a train wreck.   She was loud, implusive and emotional, having the where-with-all to talk herself out of trouble for naughty and stupid actions, such as driving a golf cart on to a green and talking about too-personal topics like sex and religion.    She loved her flower gardens, too much music and red wine, as well as fine restaurants.   She never did learn exactly how to be a girly-girl, although she tried.

In her later years, after touching the hot iron one too many times, she finally became more suspect and untrusting of others. Her sassy attitude was well known during her career as a small town adchick, and many marveled at her ability to tell a client they were wrong … quite wrong, actually … and get away with it.

She is survived by two ex-husbands, both of whom were colossal mistakes in judgment as indicated by intense therapy later in life.  Her daughter and grandson miss the many trips to the mall they took together.  She will be buried on the family farm, and according to her wishes her casket will contain: A bottle of Chateau Neuf de Pape, three Tootsie Roll pops, her iPod, and black high heels.
I like it. images

Yuk.

February 19, 2009

This might be one of the nastiest things I’ve ever seen.  Someone actually paid for this commercial?   Define this target audience, please.   Is it Men? Nerdy Men?   It can’t be Women…can it?  

I can’t even imagine pitching the idea, let alone producing it.  Is it supposed to be funny?  And what does it have to do with the product?   Who is the product?  I forgot while being mesmerized by armpit hair flying in the wind.

Say what you might about Hooterville, but the women here shave. 

Somebody Hire This Guy!

February 18, 2009

He’d fit right in.  My ex-partner, the big city alcoholic Art Director, used to do this, too.   He’d fall asleep at his desk, waft his gin-scented breath across the table to clients, then deny he was ever intoxicated.  He would “have a little taste” of schnapps at 8am before he came to work…I guess to get his mind right.  Join us Mr. Finance Minister…the advertising world is waiting.  Or I’m sure Illinois State Government would find you a spot!  Musta been some damed good saki!

So That’s What a Brand is!

February 18, 2009

My dear, sweet, alcoholic ex-partner (ex-Michigan Avenue Art Director) used to tell us:  “Kleenex IS the Fucking tissue.  iPOD IS the Fucking mp3 player.  And that’s what branding is.  Get it?”

Yes, we get it.  But here in Hooterville, we don’t get a real chance to BE anything, although we try like hell to get our clients to let us try.  So I found this, and every client we have WILL be coming in for this little tutorial!  WOW.  

If you’ve seen it, sorry, but it’s so good you should watch it again.  

Valentines Day Dont’s. Duh.

February 15, 2009

Browsing while getting ready for our romantic dinner out in the Rockies, I discovered Lisa Nova.   I liked her simple approach in telling you gentlemen what not to do on Valentines Day.  Especially enjoyed the cheesy animal sound effects, her line about “respectful coitus” and “Sometimes women aren’t sluts…they just want to eat chocolate.”  

A truer statement was never made.   I better at least get a card.

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Nuthin’ up my sleeve!

February 13, 2009

So I lied…we’re all checked in and I couldn’t resist a quick surf online….and look what  I found….maybe you’ve already seen this, but in case you haven’t…I’m a big Bullwinkle and Rocky fan.  I’ve been known to do a decent Natasha.  Growing up with this humor probably explains why I love Family Guy!   Check this out!

Desperate Moosewives

Rocky Mountain Romance

February 12, 2009

The Chick is off for a bit of Rocky Mountain Romance…no blogs for a few days.  Must breathe fresh air and get a new perspective!  Need sleep, wine, and, well, you know.    

Like the song goes….”How can I miss you if you don’t go away?”  

Seriously, this is a song.   They sing it in Hooterville.