Archive for March, 2009

Naturally….

March 12, 2009

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Thank you to Found in Mom’s Basement 

for the best laugh I’ve had all week!

 

 

“B.O.” ?    Really?      My “Daintiness”?     Are you serious?

It was a different time for a chick back then.

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Talking to the kids

March 11, 2009

I’ve been asked to speak to an advertising class in the coming weeks. It’s a solid, small liberal arts college several miles from Hooterville. Very buttoned-up school, so I guess I won’t be screaming the f-bomb like I do throughout the course of my day.  So what should I tell these kids?

I could share a recent post with them from Where’s My Jetpack…(read this-his March 9th post “If You Say It Like This, It’s Probably Not True”- it made me snort coffee out my nose!) 

I’ll quote from The Ubiquitous Persuaders and The Happy Soul Industry (which I better finish soon). Then maybe I’ll tell them…. (in no particular order):

Read.  A lot.  Learn to handle your alcohol.  Don’t be offended by foul language because if you are, get into another line of work. Have good self-esteem, because your boss might be George Parker.  Think on your feet.  Have common sense and use it. Don’t be a Dumb Ass. Don’t be a suck-up.  Be a “way above average” writer. Have empathy.  Study people.  Learn from people.  Be aware.  Never say “That’s not my job”. Don’t litter.  You’re a designer, not an artist…there’s a difference.  Be interesting.  Ask a LOT of questions.  Don’t be lazy, cause you’ll work your ass off.  Have chutzpah (and if you don’t know what THAT means, get into another line of fucking work.)

The fresh outta college kids I’ve seen so far are under the impression that “advertising is fun”, “I like helping people”, “I’ve always enjoyed art.”  Please, spare me.   I haven’t seen much in the work ethic department, either. In Hooterville, just like everywhere else, the business is a bitch and you’re only as loved as the last good thing you put out there.  You can go slap car dealer ads together and call THAT art.  Or you can never be satisfied,  and be humbled and challenged every day trying to do something thats meaningful…more importantly, that works.

So, please, before I head over to campus, what else should I tell these kids?

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We Just Graduated in Advertisement!

Did Twitter Save a Life?

March 8, 2009

So, Ad Chick is Twittering. I’m not sure why yet, but if Barack Obama and George Parker and Makethelogobigger are doing it,  (among other notables)  then I probably ought to be.  I learn by doing, what can I say?  

Maybe this little incident makes a case for Twitter and it’s usefulness.  Appeared in the March 5th St. Louis Post Dispatch.  Katrice Noble is happy to be alive and the stupid kid deserves to be expelled.    Also, it proves that with all this technology, the world is indeed a very small place.   I mean, it makes you wonder why anyone would want to try a dishonest or evil action….you’ll surely be caught, eventually, because everyone knows somebody who knows somebody who is either on Twitter, FaceBook, Myspace. 

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          Twitter is watching, you dumb ass!

Luxury Toilet Paper?

March 6, 2009

“The tenderness of the delicate American buttock…”  “Future generations are going to look at the way we make toilet paper as one of the greatest excesses of our age.”  “People just don’t understand that softness equals ecological destruction.”

Wow.  Who knew?   Now I feel terrible.  I had no idea that my Charmin was hurting the environment.

I might have a bidet installed.  I’ve never used one…they’re popular in Europe, right?   I think one other person here in Hooterville actually knows what that is.

images-21 Camou TP…found in respectable Deer Camps Everywhere!

Cooking with Clara

March 4, 2009

Move over, Emeril and meet Clara, who makes magic with lentils and rice, steak as thin as paper, a simple salad and some bread.  Welcome to Great Depression Cooking with Clara.  She’s an Italian lady  from New York who used to work for Hostess filling Twinkies.  There’s a job for you.  She tells us what’s REALLY important, a living reminder of a lousy time in America.  And though she makes no mention of a nice Cabernet to go with her feast, I’ll bet it was pretty damned tasty without it.  Maybe we need to take some good notes here.

When I’m Queen of the World…

March 4, 2009

I’ve had a tough day and I’m thinking about what I’ll do when I’m Queen of the World.  Oh, you scoff, but it could happen.  And if it does, the world will be a better place.  We will all benefit from my extreme, slightly quirky methods.  Here is just a small sample of my Queenly decisions:

1. Drivers will only use the left lane to pass another car … you don’t just drive in that lane.

2. Professional athletes will not be allowed to wear any jewelry. At all.

3. People will stop using double negatives in a sentence. (I live in Hooterville, for GAWD’s Sake!)

4. Any person who litters will be shot … on sight.  That should end it.

5. People will STOP sending hateful, shitty email jokes and other crap that bashes a political party, black people, white people, gay people…any people. You’re wasting my time and insulting my intelligence.  Grow up.

6. No more plastic bags in grocery stores.  None.

7. Learn to spell.  It shows you care enough to send the very best thoughts.  (I better check this post.)

8. Someday I will sell my little shop, and have the time to read the growing stack of books next to my bed.  Then visit all the Authors.  George, I’m halfway through yours and it’s awesome. (You will take me drinking!)   Steffan, I can’t wait to start yours. 

9. Yellow Pages Salespeople will become detailers in car washes.

10.  The Cubs will win the World Series.

11. The font, Times New Roman, will be replaced with Crackhouse.  Just for the fun of it.

If you need anything else, let me know.

imagesIt’ll fit.


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