My Year in Review

It’s the time of year when the media share their obligatory “Year in Review” crap. You’ve seen it… the Top 10 Best Movies, the 20 Best Books, blah, blah, blah.

Should we review our lives over the last twelve months?

When I take a serious look at my life in 2021, I feel the urge to mix another Manhattan.

 It was the year I learned things I never wanted to know.

The year that tested my resolve.

The year when I discovered what I’m really made of.

It began with a forced reckoning of my partners death sentence of Stage 4 colon cancer. The ensuing whirl of doctors, nurses, paperwork, surgeries, insurance, home care, appointments, medications, COVID, weeks in the hospital, keeping my cool, managing hospice, the legal crap, the funeral home, the ex-wife, his sons… and my denial of the inevitable.

The trip back home to the Midwest allowed me to soak in the nurturing and understanding of my closest friends and my daughter… to get some perspective, to answer the question of “now what”?

I spent the summer finding a new apartment and moving from the space I shared with the only man who ever really loved me. (I called it “the next chapter”. That makes me want to vomit.)

I jumped into the soul crushing, disappointing, exhausting, redundant experience of online dating.  Oh my God. What was I thinking?   

Let’s look at my past year?

How ‘bout let’s don’t. 

I choose to learn from the literal hell 2021 was for me… if you don’t learn from your experiences, you’ll rot. I plan on getting up and showing up. I’m going to learn to play that damned guitar. I will audition for voice work regularly. I’m going to take those road trips we had planned before cancer got behind the wheel. I will not wallow. None of us have the luxury of doing that. 

Get up. Show up. 


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